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*Dating After 50* *Finding Love After 50*
*Date, Mate, and Age with Style*
and featuring the book, Find the Love of Your Life After 50!

NEWS CENTER
--What Others Are Saying -
- News Release --
- A Conversation With Alice Solomon -
-Book Review
- News Articles -The New York Times, TIME Magazine, etc.
- Speaking Engagements, Radio Interviews, Print Interviews, Appearances-

What others are saying about
Find the Love of Your Life After Fifty!

 
Find The Love Of Your Life After 50! by Alice Solomon is an invaluable and thoroughly "user friendly" self-help guide to the singles scene for women over fifty. From the advantages of computer dating; to a no-nonsense survey of what makes dating after 50 different; to the type of man one is most compatible with; to where to meet single men who would have an interest in older women, and so much more, Find The Love Of Your Life After 50! is an excellent primer embodying both the romantic and the practical.
Posted on Amazon.com
***** A no-nonsense survey of what makes dating after 50 different
Reviewer: Midwest Book Review from Oregon, WI USA

    "In France, men adore "femmes d'une certaine age." Alice shows us how to be just as sexy and smart as the parisan "women of a certain age!”
- Leil Lowndes, author, How To Make Anyone Fall In Love With You

     “Memo to members of the 50-plus single female crowd who have bought into the "I'm doomed to live alone" doldrums: Snap out of it! Read Alice Solomon's Find the Love of Your Life After 50! and stop schlepping to the market and the dry cleaners when you should be strutting!
     Coyness is out. Defeatism, picky-picky and long-suffering patience - ditto. Solomon, who has spent years in the grandma dating trenches, knows the terrain, the tactics and the enemy: those dumb catch-me-if-you-can attitudes that might have worked in 1957.
     It's 2003 and Find the Love Of Your Life After 50!  explains that Glamorous Grandmas - the vivacious woman over 50 who loves men and will settle for nothing less than to be loved back - can find love within the year. But only if they suit up and re-introduce themselves to the world of eligible men with verve, confidence and yes, glamour.”
- Ron Wiggins, Columnist, the Palm Beach Post


     “Alice Solomon is a trailblazer. Women of all ages can benefit from her experience. She is not afraid to speak out about competing as an older woman in the business world or how to find love after fifty.”
- Kelli Kennedy, Staff Writer, Boca Raton News


     “Alice Solomon is a real inspiration for those meeting the dating scene head-on after the big Five-O.”
- Peggy Austen, Editor, Aging with Style Magazine

     "Alice’s zest for life is contagious. She’s embedded with the single senior culture and speaks from the heart. Her new book is must-read for any single woman, regardless of age."
- Jennifer London, Emmy Award Winning Journalist.

NEWS RELEASE

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Contact: Javier Perez
pgturnerpub@aol.com
(after June 1, 2007, please contact Alice directly
GGalice@gorgeousgrandma.com)


MRS. MASSACHUSETTS & "GORGEOUS GRANDMA" SHOWS HOW TO START OVER AND FIND LOVE AFTER 50!

FIND THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE AFTER 50! (The Writers’ Collective, August 2004), by Alice Solomon, a former Mrs. Massachusetts and experienced veteran of wifehood, singlehood, and significant otherhood, offers modern, yet timeless advice for single “Gorgeous Grandmas”--women over the age of 50 looking for love and the start of a new chapter in their lives. Offering true-life stories, guidelines, tests, and self-help quizzes, this book will motivate, educate, and create a totally new and positive attitude about dating.

Finding romance at a later stage in life can be incredibly elusive. When a single woman over fifty, who brings many years of life experience with her, ventures out to seek a companion for pleasurable years ahead, she faces a changed and unfamiliar social world. In fact, with fewer unattached men to be found as a woman ages, it becomes more and more difficult for her to know how and where to meet men.

Solomon admits that beginning to date again is a challenge, yet she stresses that it can still be a romantic voyage if a woman has the right attitude. FIND THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE AFTER 50! empowers readers to date and mate with style. Her motto is simple: “do not seek the life in the dating scene; use the dating scene to find the love of your life."

Solomon expertly advises women on how to:
* Renew self-confidence
* Explore where to meet men graciously
* Date with dignity
* Understand sex is important still
*Overcome feelings of rejection
* Improve on attitude and adaptability

Alice Solomon’s FIND THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE AFTER 50! is an indispensable survival guide for women searching for the courage and skills to find love a second time around.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Alice Solomon held the title of Mrs. Massachusetts and her family was selected the Massachusetts All-American Family. During that reign, she addressed the Massachusetts Senate and the Massachusetts House of Representatives on the subjects of family values and community service. Her syndicated column, “A Guide for Gorgeous Grandmas”, was enjoyed by readers for many years and her daily radio program, “Upbeat Senior Magazine on the Air”, was a favorite among seniors. She currently presents seminars and workshops nationwide.

A Conversation with Alice Solomon, author of
FIND THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE AFTER 50!

1. What is a “Gorgeous Grandma” and how does somebody become one?
- A Gorgeous Grandma is any woman over 50 who truly believes she has the rest of her life ahead of her, not behind her. A single woman becomes a Gorgeous Grandma when she has a zest for life again. Unfortunately, some divorcees and widows feel sorry for themselves much too long, have low self-esteem, and are unrealistic.

2. The rules of dating have changed drastically since Gorgeous Grandmas first started dating in the 1950's. What advice do you have for women considering a sexual relationship with their new boyfriends?
- Too many times, women jump into bed with a man at the first opportunity because they are hungry for a hug, for warmth, for intimacy. Don’t. Take your time. It has nothing to do with his respect for you as we used to think in the past. It has to do with your heart taking over, not your head. Get to know the man first. Oftentimes, it means merely “sport sex” for the man, while you could become more deeply involved. If he truly wants to be your special person, he will give you all the time in the world before you decide to be intimate with him.

3. Children from previous relationships often times have mixed feelings about their parents entering the dating world. How should one deal with children’s agendas and concerns?
- It’s best not to say one word to the kids until you are really serious about a commitment. Children can oftentimes make oodles of trouble when a new man appears. Cross each bridge as it happens (and it will if there is inheritance money involved). Any problems, talk to your clergy or a dear friend. If you are sure your kids have nothing but your best interest at heart, do listen to them. They may be telling you something about the man important enough to hear.

4. You’re an advocate of seniors exploring the internet for love. Why do you favor this approach? Are there any warning signs women should be aware of when looking for love in cyberspace?
-Internet dating sites are terrific because they’re the best way to meet the most men in the shortest period of time. Men are online because they know it’s the best way to meet an abundance of women and I urge Gorgeous Grandmas to go where the men are! A lot of men pride themselves on being techies – even the 80 year olds – and if a gal wants to start dating again, her best bet is with an internet dating service. Do, though, take precautions online. Do not give out your address or phone number and do not chat for long – the intention is to meet the man offline, and only for a short time at first. Do not divulge personal information and be sure to tell a friend where you are meeting him. Be doubly cautious of men covertly looking just for sex and of married men. About age and photos depicting them younger – that’s not really important. You may have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince and the abundance of men on the internet offers you that opportunity, bigtime!

5. Being single in a world full of couples is hard at any age. Where can single seniors go to find some fun and companionship?
There are lots of places in your community or in a community nearby. The secret is to get out and about to all kinds of events, for singles or otherwise. Check the newspaper daily for: bookstore events, church-sponsored events, museums, opera, symphony, sporting events, art gallery openings, travel clubs, continuing education courses, learning a new sport or hobby. Each month, fill your calendar with all the events to begin with. Then selectively choose one or two a week to attend– and go!

6. You say it’s important to recognize that your former life is over and a new one needs to begin. What do you mean by this?
- I am not suggesting that women forget their past and their friends. I am urging our Gorgeous Grandmas to form new friendships that suit their current single lifestyle so that they will have a better social life. I did a great disservice to myself by clinging to old friendships, hoping that the stability and the security of old friends would shelter me from the work it takes to find new ones. I was wrong. It took me an unusually long time to accept and be comfortable with being single. Please don’t let it happen to you.

7. Sex appeal is important in a relationship, regardless of age. What tips do you have for older women on how to be sexy, yet age-appropriate?
- I think most women exhibit an inborn sensuality when stimulated by an interesting man, regardless of age. However, a mature woman can be very appealing because of her confidence, worldly experience, wisdom, and( if she is smart) her contemporary, well-groomed appearance. Warmth, friendliness, charm, body language – they, too, all add to the appeal. But, isn’t sex appeal in the eyes of the beholder and doesn’t each man have a different opinion? I asked some male friends over the dinner table one night, “What about an older woman do you think is sexy?” One man said “big boobs;’ another said, “the look in her eyes;” a third said, “her shape, if she has one.” The fourth said,” absolutely nothing.” (That’s the last time he gets invited to dinner.)

8. Is there such a thing as the perfect man? What type of expectations should older women have when it comes to the men they date?
- Mr. Perfect does not exist. I urge all the women at my seminars to take that mega-list of criteria for their dream man and dump it! Statistics prove that the single male population diminishes as we age. When our list of “must-haves” decreases, our choice of men increases. Anywhere from three to five “must-haves” is plenty. And stop with the height, weight, and amount of hair a fellow should have. I don’t want you to be alone for the rest of your life!

9. Should a Gorgeous Grandma date a younger man? What are the risks and benefits to this type of a relationship?
- More power to any woman who can date and pair up with a younger man. The biggest risk I have observed is that he may be after her money. If the age difference is great, he might have a tendency to roam. Too, there are different tastes in music, entertainment, and mores. Aside from those, the benefits are many. Compared to a retiree, he would have more sexual stamina, be more intellectually stimulating, still be working when his partner is on social security, and the percentages of his of dying before her are less. Pairing up with an older woman has its advantages for a younger man, also. Older women are more monogamous; more sexually inventive to keep the intrigue alive; and more giving in general. If a woman gets the opportunity to pair up with a younger man, I say - You Go, Girl!

BOOK REVIEW
by Deb Jones of RoundTableReviews.com

Don’t let the title of the book fool you: FIND THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE AFTER 50! This book is for women of any age, and for men as well, if they’d like some insight into the female mind and heart. For the younger set, the whole idea of the book may seem silly…but life does NOT end at thirty…and women and men in the fifth, sixth, seventh, and eighth decades of their lives have emotional and sexual needs as do their younger counterparts. Alice Solomon has written a very sensible and insightful book about a long-ignored sector of the dating population.

In this book written to and for “Gorgeous Grandmas,” Solomon addresses issues such as how dating and relationships differ at this life stage than in younger years. Skin care is discussed as well as the importance of good grooming, and makeup for the mid-life woman. Realistic and varied places are presented for consideration of meeting new people, as well as prompts to remain open-minded and non-judgmental when doing so. Because people who are meeting one another at this point in their lives are not looking to marry in order to raise a family, it is pointed out that readers should reflect on what lifestyle changes they are willing to make…and those that they are not. There are multiple self-help quizzes to aid the reader in her quest to make the most of this portion of her dating life.

Alice Solomon writes from personal experience, as well as that of her friends and readers and listeners to both her syndicated newspaper column in the MetroWest Daily News and as a co-host of a daily show on radio station WPBI-AM in Palm Beach County, Florida. The book is written in a clear and flowing style, easy-to-read and unpretentious. Reading FINDING THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE AFTER 50! is like having great conversations with a well-informed friend.

SPEAKING ENGAGEMENTS, RADIO INTERVIEWS, PRINT INTERVIEWS, AND APPEARANCES

August 28, 2007 - Guest on the Third Age Radio Show, Santa Barbara, CA. as Relationship Expert (Tuesdays, 11:00 to 12:00 PST)

July 23, 2007 - Interviewed on ABC Radio's Overnights program in Australia heard nationally on 60 metropolitan and regional stations, plus a World Wide Web audience audio-streamed.. Interviewed by Michael Pavlich about Gorgeous Grandma Day in Australia!

July 16, 2007 - Contacted by Marli Murphy, freelance columnist for The Kansas City Star, regarding her wish to write about the Gorgeous Grandmas in her life and to ask if Gorgeous Grandma Day is still listed in Chase's Calendar of Events (it is.). She wants to write a piece on Gorgeous Grandma Day. She writes: "Although I chose not to have children and therefore will never be a grandmother, I'm 51 with my best years ahead of me. So I understand your philosophy, that qualifies me as a Gorgeous Grandma. How cool! Best wishes on all you do to enlighten society on how vibrant and lively women over 50 still are!" (Thanks a bunch, Marli).

July 14, 2007 - Interviewed by Tove Gilbert-Morgan, M.S., host of The Sexual Frequency radio show on KOPT, Eugene, Oregon, about dating after fifty.

July/August 2007 - Good Times magazine. National distirbution Canada. Interviewed by Michele Sponagle for her article on dating again later in life.

May 17, 2007 - Interviewed by Fred Cheveney and Pam Cook of the Morning Team on News-Talk 1480 WHBC, Canton, OH. Topic - Gorgeous Grandmas

April 30, 2007 - Intrerviewed by Michele Sponagle, a writer for the national Canadian magazine, "Good Times." Her focus is on how to date agan later in life after the death of spouse or divorce. She writes,"I think you're the perfect person to interview for this story, given your depth of knowledge and experience." The article will appear in the August issue.

April 27, 2007 - Contacted by Tresa Erickson, Quality Assurance Coordinator, for MultiAd Builder. She writes, "I am creating a promotional calendar for my company and I would like to include Gorgeous Grandma Day. Please tell me when this event will take place." (July 23rd, every year).

March 30, 2007 - Spoke with Anne Mullee, Development Producer, Wild Circle Television, United Kingdom, regarding their potetntial TV series about the seniors dating scene for Living TV UK. She writes, "As you're such a fantastic and inspirational role model for the over 50s, I'd love your thoughts on Seniors dating and what's out there."

March 16, 2007 - Interviewed by Joanna Broder, staff writer for the Pioneer Press newspapers on Chicago's north shore, for her article on dating over 50. Article to be published in July, 2007.

February 16 - 25, 2007 - NCL Cruise Lines, Norwegian Pearl to the Caribbean, Fashion Enrichment Lecturer

February 8, 2007 - Orlando Sentinel - "Coaches polish first impressions online."

September 9- September 16, 2006 - NCL Cruise Lines, Norwegian Sun to Alaska -Fashion Enrichment Lecturer

February 22-March 4, 2006 - Princess Cruise Lines, Coral Princess to the Panama Canal, Fashion Enrichment Lecturer

February 8, 2006 - Keynote Speaker, Book & Author Luncheon, Brandeis University National Women's Committee, Trails Chapter, Boynton Beach, FL

November 27 - December 4, 2005 - NCL Cruise Lines, Norwegian Jewel to the Caribbean - Enrichment Lecturer

November 7, 2005 - Keynote Speaker - Papanicolaou Corp. for Cancer Research Luncheon Indian Spring C.C., Boynton Beach, FL

September 21 - October 1, 2005 - Princess Cruise Lines, Dawn Princess to the Mexican Riviera - Enrichment Lecturer

May 11, 2005 - Interviewed as an Online Dating Expert by NewsProNet discussing seniors and online dating for television news' broadcasts for over 100 TV stations nationwide.

April 22 - April 27, 2005 - Radisson Seven Seas Cruises, Radisson Seven Seas Navigator to the western Caribbean - Enrichment Lecturer

April 20, 2005 - Radio Interview with Ron Kauffman on Senior Lifestyles Radio Show discussing "Empowering Women to Age, Date, and Mate with Style."

April 12, 2005 - The New York Times - "True Love: Finding a Second Act on the Internet." Alice interviewed as a Relationship Expert.

April, 2005 - Las Olas magazine - Article by Alice Solomon

February 13, 2005 - Denver Post, "Over-50s Have Many Routes to Romance." Alice quoted as Relationship Expert.

February 2005 - Boca Raton Magazine Interview - “5 Minutes with Alice Solomon.”

February 2005 - Boca Life magazine - ‘Top Ten Tips for Finding Love at Any Age” by Alice Solomon

February 2005 - Boca Raton Observer magazine - Article by Alice Solomon

January 15 - 26, 2005 - Norwegian Cruise Lines, cruising the Hawaiian Islands as Lifestyle Enhancement Lecturer.

January 5, 2005 - Nova Southeastern University, Institute for Learning in Retirement, Ft. Lauderdale, FL - Opening Session of the winter semester - “Starting Over, Older; Changes and Challenges of Being Single Again.

November 2004 -TIME magazine Bonus Section - “Click Here For Love.” Alice Solomon quoted as a Relationship Expert.

October 2004 - Yahoo Personals Website - Article by Alice Solomon

September, October, November, December 2004 and January 2005 - Articles for UP magazine in Michigan.

September 29, 2004 - Nova Southeastern University, Institute for Learning in Retirement, Ft. Lauderdale, FL - Keynote Speaker/Open House Program - 2:00-4:00 p.m.

September 23, 2004 - Radio Interview - Florida Forum with Ann Bocock - WXEL-FM (an NPR affiliate).

September 13, 2004 - Radio Interview - “Sue Ellen Sanders Show,” WPSL-AM, Port St. Lucie, FL. Program heard throughout Martin, St. Lucie, and Ft. Pierce counties.

September 2004 - Boca Raton Observer magazine - Article by Alice Solomon

August 25, 2004 - Delray Times, Delray Beach, FL - Print interview with Jamie McClintock

August 20, 2004 - Metro West Daily News, Framingham, MA- Print interview with Kathy Uek

August 6 2004 - "Conversations with Catherine Brand" - A one-hour live radio show with Call-Ins, Wisconsin National Public Radio which airs in all of Wisconsin, parts of Illinois, including Chicago, and parts of Iowa, Minnesota, and Michigan.

August 5 2004 - Tampa Tribune, Tampa, FL - Print Interview with Donna Koehn

August 4, 2004 - Chicago Sun-Times, Chicago, IL. Print interview with Lisa Frydman

July 29, 2004 -Radio Interview - "Focus on the Family" Radio Interview with Pete Winn - syndicated on over 1400 affilate stations nationwide.

July 27,2004 -St. Louis Post-Dispatch, St. Louis, MS. Print Interview with Lorraine Kee

July 22, 2004 -Radio Interview - "AM 920 Magazine" with Dan Skinner, NPR Radio, WBAA FM, Illinois and Indiana.

July 21,2004 - Radio Interview - "Daybreak USA" with Al Lerner, USA Radio Network - airs on 200 affiliate stations across the country.

July 16, 2004 - Radio Interview - Voice of America / "Coast to Coast" with Faiza Elmasry, 10:00 a.m Washington, D.C..

July 15, 2004 - Radio Interview -Tanner & Tom Show, WPCV-97.5 FM, Lakeland, Florida.

April 23, 2004 - Speaking Engagement - Polo Club, Boca Raton, FL - The Polo Solos - 4:30 p.m.

February 29 - March 7, 2004. Costa Cruise Lines, on the Costa Mediterranea, cruising San Juan, St. Thomas, Catalina Island, Santa Domingo, and Nassau. As a Lifestyle Enhancement Lecturer, Alice will be speaking on "Romance for Singles."

February 26, 2004 - Speaking Engagement - Delray Beach Public Library - 2:00 p.m., Atlantic Avenue, Delray Beach, FL

February 13, 2004 - Radio Talk Show. News Talk 1330 WENG, Englewood, Florida, with Scott Holcomb, host, talking about "Finding Love in All the Old Places."

February 13, 2004 - Radio Talk Show. South Florida Speaks Out/ Mystic 580, Fort. Lauderdale, Florida, with Diana Wright, talking about "Finding Love in All the Old Places."

February 10, 2004 - Radio Talk Show. Florida Radio Network, Maitland, Florida witih Alan McBride talking about "Finding Love in All the Old Places."

February 9, 2004 - Speaking Engagement - Valencia Falls Women's Club, 7:00 p.m., Hagen Ranch Road, Delray Beach, FL

December 14-21, 2003. Costa Cruise Lines, on the Mediteranea, cruising Key West, a private island, Cozumel, and Grand Cayman. As a Lifestyle Enhancement Lecturer, Alice will be speaking on "Romance for Singles."

Friday, Saturday, and Sunday / November 7 thru 9, 2003 / 10:00 am to 6:00 pm. Miami Book Fair International - Miami-Dade Community College, Miami, FL Appearing for 3 days for autographs and book sales.

Thursday, April 3, 2003 - 7:00 pm - Jewish Community Center, 3151 No. Military Trail, West Palm Beach, FL

Wednesday, March 12, 2003- 6:30 pm - Delray Beach Public Library, Atlantic Ave., Delray Beach, FL

Thursday, February 13, 2003 - 12:00 noon - The Grand Bazaar, Okechobee Road, West Palm Beach, FL

Tuesday, May 21, 2002 - 7:00 pm- The Sterling, Aventura, FL

Monday, March 4, 2002, at 2:00 - Delray Beach Public Library, Atlantic Avenue, Delray Beach, FL

Monday, January 29, 2001, at 2:00 - Delray Beach Public Library, Atlantic Avenue, Delray Beach, FL

Thursday, March 1, 2001 - "Of Interest to Women" - 8:30 am to 2:30 pm at the Boca Raton Marriott, Boca Raton, FL. An all-day symposium sponsored by the Ruth Rales Jewish Family Service.

Sunday, October 15, 2000 at 7:30 p.m. - Aberdeen Singles Club, Jog Road, Boynton Beach, FL

Friday, November 10, 2000, at 7:30 p.m. - Cascades Singles Club, Jog Road, Boynton Beach, FL

Sunday, December 10, 2000, at 3:30 p.m. - Brandeis Singles Group, Boca Raton Library, Glades Road, Boca Raton, FL

NEWS ARTICLES (scroll down to read articles)

Evanston Review, August 15, 2007
Advice for the Mature Lovelorn

The New York Times, April 12, 2005 -
True Love: Finding a Second Act on the Internet

Denver Post, February 13, 2005
Over-50s have Many Routes to Romance

Boca Raton magazine, February 2005
5 Minutes with Alice Solomon

TIME magazine, October 12, 2004
Click Here for Love

Tampa Tribune, Tampa, Florida, August 10, 2004
Yes, Dating Can Pump Life Into Sagging Heart

Chicago Sun-Times, Chicago,, Illinois August 9, 2004
50-50 Split

The Palm Beach Post, Palm Beach, Florida, February 18.2004
Romance Programs for Seniors Offered at Delray Library

Boca Raton News, Boca Raton, Florida, January 17, 2004
Senior Dating Scene - How 65 and ups are meeting the partners
of their dreams

The Lafayette Advertiser, Lafayette, Louisiana, June 10, 2003
The Second Time Around

Boca Raton News, Boca Raton, Florida, February 12, 2003
Delray's Gorgeous Grandma round up seniors for dating game

The Palm Beach Post, Palm Beach, Florida, February 6, 2003-
No woman is too old for love, dating guru says

EVANSTON REVIEW
North Suburban Chicago,
August 15, 2007

Advice for the mature lovelorn

By JOANNA BRODER Staff Writer

Singles over the age of 50 need to know: The rules of dating have changed since they were in their 20s.Mature singles need to be a little more liberal, a little bit less picky about who they choose to date, said Alice Solomon, author of Find the Love of Your Life After 50!

"If somebody's over 50, they grew up with, you know, boys ask girls out and this is the way it's done," said life coach Sandee Abern, of Buffalo Grove.

"And so it's a culture thing, too, because all of a sudden they have to do everything different than what they did before."

Mature singles need to be a little bit more liberal, a little bit less picky about who they choose to date, said Alice Solomon, author of Find the Love of Your Life Over 50!

Solomon, who divorced at age 46, has been happily living with her partner, Dan, a business consultant, for the past 11 years in Delray Beach, Fla. But her relationship with Dan almost did not happen when she initially dismissed him for minor things, she said.

Get real

Try to look for Mr. or Ms. Wonderful and not Mr. or Ms. Perfect, Solomon advised. When Solomon went on her first few dates with Dan, she told him that she could not continue seeing him because he had bad manners. But Dan kept calling and calling, begging for a second chance to change. Solomon agreed, and on their next date, he brought flowers and held all the doors open for her.

"So that's an example of giving a guy, maybe not only just a second chance," Solomon said, but "third and fourth chances because you never know... These fellows, when they're older, get into certain habits."

Another mature, single-man's quirk? Letting the lady pick up a portion of the tab, said 58-year-old Peggy McGuin, of Northfield. "Nowadays if you get a guy to pay for one complete evening on a first date you're batting a thousand," she said. McGuin accepts going Dutch; she just prefers men to be upfront about it.

If you are with someone who wants to split the bill, do it unless it really bothers you, Abern advised.

Looks matter

Solomon advises women to place a premium on their appearance because men are visual. Abern, on the other hand, focuses on nurturing one's sense of self worth. After a divorce, a person's self esteem "is not on the floor, it's under the carpet," she said. Among her other clients, she coaches mature singles, and often ends up focusing on relationships. It usually takes two years for a divorced person to get back on his or her feet again emotionally, Abern said. She advises recently divorced men and women to date, but to hold off on serious relationships until their self esteem is restored.

Be assertive

When they are ready, though, mature singles need to be bold, Solomon said. Abern agreed, suggesting that the best way to meet new people is to let everybody know that you are single and looking. Often, singles over age 50 feel a stigma from being divorced, Abern said, even though their under-50-counterparts know that one of every two first marriages ends in divorce.

"By saying you're divorced, it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you or that you're damaged," Abern said.

To affirm that sentiment, do not turn to married friends for support, Solomon advised. They simply do not understand how lonely it is to come home to an empty house night after night. Instead, singles should read books about finding and maintaining relationships, she suggested. Solomon maintains a list of such books on her Web site GorgeousGrandma.com

Get out there

"You know you can't just sit home and vegetate. If you're really sincere and interested, get out there and meet people," said 70-year-old Chuck Winter, a single in Libertyville.

After her own divorce, Solomon found the loneliness she experienced overwhelming until she discovered "that it was simply a state of mind and not a state of being." She forced herself to get out into the world and do things to meet people. "Once I got the loneliness out of my head and got out into the world, I wasn't as lonely," she said.

It is also important to take the pressure off oneself by not thinking about dating as dating, but rather as meeting new friends, Abern said.

Remember to take your time finding a mate, advised Galen Buckwalter, vice president of research and development for eHarmony.com. "There's no rush in finding someone that's going to be someone that's perfect for you."

Get connected

The Internet opens up all sorts of dating options for singles, Abern said. One of her clients recently married a man she had initially met online. He lived a mile away from her, but they never would have met otherwise because their paths did not cross, Abern said. "The Internet's out there and why not use it?

"Do you meet people on there that are scary? Yes. But do you sometimes have a blind date who's scary? Yes. You know life is scary. You just have to ...watch for red flags."

Abern suggests that singles be careful on dates, and always take their own cars and their own money. Meet a first date in a public place like Starbucks and afterward, "drive around a little so no one follows you home," she advised.

Say no

It is OK to refuse a date with a potential suitor, Abern said. Widowed a year ago, Sandi Cowen, 61, from Morton Grove, said she feels uncomfortable when she receives calls from a new suitor because she does not know how to tell him that she is not interested.

"If somebody asks you out (and) you don't want to go, you don't have to feel guilty and feel that you have to go," Abern said. "And that's the mindset of a lot of people in this age group, 'Well, if I say no then I may be hurting his feelings.' So what? If you don't want to go, you don't go," she said.

And if you don't want to, well, go all the way, don't do that either.

Since her divorce eight years ago, McGuin has found that her suitors push for sex much more quickly than their 20-something counterparts she remembers dating prior to getting married at 24.

One public official she dated pushed her for sex after three dates. She told him she would rather take her time to get to know him first.

"I've been hit with it so often, you kind of expect it," she said. "And so now I know how to answer it better and how to deal with it better.

Abern said that she hopes singles realize that being sexually active exposes them to risks. "Make sure you are smart about it," she said. "Be intimate when the time is right."

Take stock

Finally, mature singles should take stock of their lives, whether they have found another love or not, Solomon said.

When at a low point, Solomon suggests mature singles take a piece of paper, put a line down the middle and list all the positives and negatives about their lives.

More often than not, they will find "that they have much more good in their life than they have bad in their life."

© Copyright 2007 Sun-Times News Group |

True Love: Finding a Second Act on the Internet
By DONNA WILKINSON Published: April 12, 2005

(Webmaster's Note:) On April 15, 2005, GorgeousGrandma.com was advised by an independent reprint monitoring service that all material written by The New York Times cannot be reproduced in any manner without its permission (and a fee). GorgeousGrandma.com informed said service on April 16th that the article would be removed - and hence it has been, from this very spot.

Alice Solomon appreciates being interviewed as a relationship expert by Donna Wilkinson, the NY Times reporter, along with her book and website being recommended in Wilkinsons's comprehensive article, and she feels badly that she is unable to share this article with her readers. However, the requested New York Times' reprint fee of $400 a month is too large a financial burden for the website to incur and we know all our readers will understand.

We refer you to www.nytimes.com if you wish to read the above-titled article - or - scroll to the excellent Time magazine article below, by Jeremy Kaplan, which discusses, also, a comprehensive overview of the online senior dating scene.

Over-50s have many routes to romance
Online options, books offer choices for those back on the dating scene
By Roxanne Hawn
Special to The Denver Post

Sunday, February 13, 2005 -

Kathy and Jackson Hertogs, both 52, met in the fourth grade. He delivered her first kiss behind a carport near Stonestown in San Francisco in the sixth grade, then, her family moved away.
Life went on.

Through marriage, children and divorce, she always wondered what happened to him. He never married, but always told people about "this girl from elementary school" when they asked about his first love.

One day while clicking around on Classmates.com, she noticed the grammar school link and went fishing for that boy from so long ago.
"When I saw his name, I got out my credit card to pay so that I could e-mail him," she says of that February day in 2002.

He responded the next day. "It was just such a great feeling, when I got her first e-mail, asking if I knew who she was," he says.

Soon, e-mails became phone calls. Phone calls became visits between Colorado and California. They married Nov. 23, 2003, and now live in Colorado Springs.

"Everyone thought I was crazy," she explains. "They couldn't understand how something like this could happen so fast. He was actually my first love, and I never forgot about him."

"I think our relationship is fairly effortless," Jackson adds. "Being more mature and older and settled, I think it takes away the stress that younger people feel."

The Hertogs are not alone. Many people look for love later in life by trolling their past for potential mates. According to Classmates.com, 46 percent of its users over age 45 claim to have used the Internet to look up or reconnect with an old boyfriend or girlfriend.

The site doesn't know how many successfully rekindle lost loves, but the potential keeps at least some people clicking.

That's not the only way, however, that people 40, 50 or older search for love online. Currently, Cupid.com reports nearly 22 percent of its users are 45-54 years old. Another 17 percent are 55 and over.

Users of new player AnimalAttraction.com, which caters to single pet lovers, skew older than average for online daters. Other sites like SeniorFriendFinder.com, however, dominate the 55-and-over market, with 75 percent of its users falling in this age bracket.

Yet, between 2004 and 2005, the number of online daters 55 and over dropped 38 percent.

Older people who date, especially women, may give up too soon, says Alice Solomon, founder of GorgeousGrandmas.com and author of "Find the Love of Your Life After 50!" (2004, Writers' Collective). "They have not had success in finding someone when they were initially alone," explains Solomon, who is based in Florida and often teaches courses on cruise ships.

"Once they got over the shock of divorce or widowhood and moved out into the world, they tried a singles club or had been fixed up, and it didn't work out. They get discouraged very easily. My role is to encourage them to try again."

One way to reinvigorate the search, Solomon adds, is to shorten your list of must-haves. "In order to find that someone very special, you have to change your priorities," she says.

Instead of 40 or more characteristics, choose just a handful - two, three or four most important things. For example, sharing the same religious faith might be No.1. If golf is a huge part of your happiness, then finding a golfer might make the list. If you lost your spouse to lung cancer, then a life-long nonsmoker might hold a higher ranking.

"They have to stop being narrow-minded. After 25 years or more of marriage, you have all these hang-ups and opinions about things," Solomon says. "You have to get rid of that stuff. There are a wide variety of men out there. You need to be open to different ideas and different lifestyles."

Attending cultural events, taking courses and taking group trips are all ways to break out of your immediate circle, including long-held married friends. After all, Solomon adds, they know only married people.

Patsy Stagner swears by Internet dating as the best way for anyone to meet as many people as possible. The author of "Baby Boomer Bachelorette: How to Have Sex at Least Once More Before You Die" (2004, JPS Publications) calls on women, and men, to "break out of the mold, reject the status quo and rebel against anyone or anything that wants to make you old."

Stagner believes the focus of Internet dating, not ancillary activities, makes it better than other hit-and-miss strategies. "If you want to learn to scuba dive, learn to scuba dive, but don't do it to meet men," Stagner says, "The odds are just not in your favor. Why spend all your time trying to do things just to meet men (or women) when you can go on the Internet and meet them immediately, as well as know if they like the same things you like. All those other activities are just a waste of time, unless it is something you really want to learn how to do."

Lisa Daily, syndicated dating columnist, relationship coach and author of "Stop Getting Dumped!" (2002, Putnam), adds quick dating to the list of good options for daters over 50. By meeting a dozen or more people at one event, those back on the dating scene can refresh conversation skills, gain confidence and meet new people.

Solomon, Stagner and Daily all agree that it's best to be cautious when taking any online or quick match to a real first date."People tend to be trusting of people they meet online," Daily explains. "When you take the relationship off-
line, this person really is a stranger. They may have been honest with you. They may not."

Daily also warns of heading to any early dates with an agenda. "Don't start your second date by saying, 'I want to get married again,"' she says. "You're going to scare a lot of people off. Generally, the topic comes up naturally in three or four months of dating."

Solomon tells women to put off sexual intimacy as well. "The same rules apply as when we were kids," she says. "If you go to bed too soon, he'll dump you or just use you for sex. His emotional level stops the moment you start a physical relationship."

Daily recommends watching for signs that a relationship is not going to blossom or that it is waning. Simple gestures, she says, speak volumes. People who like each other line up their bodies - toe to toe, heart to heart, face to face.

"There's trouble if his or her feet are pointing toward the crowd at dinner, rather than pointing toward the date," she explains. Another tip is to watch for hugs combined with a back pat. "That's a sign of discomfort," Daily says. "At the very beginning of a relationship, it means the person is not quite ready for that level of personal contact, and they don't want to put you off entirely. But, if you've been dating three months, or six months, or a year, and all of a sudden you start getting the back pat, that's a sign of a relationship in trouble."

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More Dating Tips

Get out and meet people. As dating guru Lisa Daily puts it, "The only person you're going to meet sitting on the couch is the cable guy." Forget the bar scene, gripping a lite beer with 20- and 30-somethings. There are plenty of more sophisticated places to gather such as golf clubs, sporting events, bookstores, coffee houses and cultural events.

Think positively. "The odds are good, for anyone," Daily adds, "if you believe there is someone out there for you and you get out there and meet people."

Enjoy casual dating. This does not mean casual sex. Older daters tend to just date one person at a time. Daily says, casually dating more than one person is fine as long as sex is not involved.

Pace your online replies. Alice Solomon, author of Find the Love of Your Life After 50!, tells online daters to wait 24 hours before responding to a first e-mail contact and a few hours or more to ongoing e-mail exchanges. She says to never answer e-mail on Fridays or Saturdays after 5 p.m.

Be safe. Solomon suggests giving out your cell phone number rather than your home phone number. She also warns that HIV and venereal diseases are an issue at any age, so protect yourself. At the same time, Solomon adds, "We're free to determine our own standard of respectable sexual behavior, not our mothers."

Manage your money, but don't be paranoid. Solomon explains that protecting your assets is important, but she worries that pressure from financial planners and children can scare people too much into assuming anyone who shows interest is only after the money.

Have one good friend who supports your dating efforts. Younger people call this person a "wingman." "It's really important to have a buddy to encourage you to continue," explains Solomon, adding "it's all in how you handle those little, but still important, disappointments."

Avoid the pot-roast brigade. Some people swoop in on the newly divorced or newly widowed with food, comfort and offers of companionship. Often this leads to a quick re-marriage, Solomon says. The problem, however, is that their hearts are not really available for a new love, which can lead to another breakup.

Move on if exclusivity doesn't surface soon. If either person doesn't ask for or need exclusivity after three or four months, then Solomon says, "forget it and move on."

Be wary of married friends, even those you know well. Loneliness can make people vulnerable to philanderers of both genders. "You're better off alone," Solomon says.

BOCA RATON MAGAZINE - February 2005

5 Minutes with Alice Solomon

What are the three most important things a woman over 50 should consider when entering the dating field?

Her attitude, image, and expectations. Her attitude should reflect a willingness to be flexible, adaptable, and open to new adventures. Her image should portray her at her most attractive (yes, appearance does make a difference!). Her expectations should be realistic, not idealistic.There is a “Mr. Wonderful” but there is no “Mr. Perfect.”

Many single women over 50 are divorcd and a bit gun-shy. What’s the best way to get over it and get out there?

Just get out there! The phone won’t ring if you sit home week after week. Attend singles dances and parties with girlfriends. Talk to an appealing stranger in bookstore cafés or during theatre intermissions. Regain self-confidence, smile generously, and begin to enjoy, not pout about, a whole new life.

What can a 20-something woman take away from your book?

A great appearance means nothing if a woman lacks self-confidence and a sense of self, which is an important factor in identifying her wants and needs for a potential lifetime partner. And, a message for every woman, regardless of age - toss that long list of “wants,” rework to 3-5 “must-haves,” and see your eligibles multiply!

There are plenty of single men over 50. Any advice for them?

There are? Where? I know many single gals who would like to know! I really don’t think a single man needs much advice. As soon as he becomes single, there are 20 women waiting to soothe every ruffled wrinkle. If anything, perhaps, when a man over 50 is content within himself, he does not need a 25-year-old shapely cutie on his arm to show the world he is of value.

Any Valentine’s Day tips?

Mix a delicious, potent, peach margarita (or two), feel sorry for yourself for approximately ten minutes, and spend the rest of the night at the computer joining, or chatting on, a few online dating sites. This should keep you busy not only for the evening, but for a couple of months.

TIME Magazine


Tuesday, Oct. 12, 2004

CLICK HERE FOR LOVE
As older Americans grow more comfortable online, they're seeking e-romance in record numbers
By JEREMY CAPLAN

For 47 years, George Mynchenberg shared love letters and romantic dinners with his wife Beverly. "There was always just one woman in my life," he says. Now — eight years after her death — there are about 40.

The road from stalwart husband to bachelor about town wasn't a straight path. In 1997, a year after Beverly died, Mynchenberg met his second wife through a friend. But six years later, their marriage fell apart. "I thought, 'I'm 80. What the hell do I do now? I still want a companion.'" Mynchenberg finally tried a method that he never dreamed would suit him: online dating. He joined four e-dating services, which he refers to as "friendship clubs." Every morning in his waterfront home in Ormond Beach, Fla., Mynchenberg sits down at his computer and sifts through the profiles of dozens of women, searching for an intelligent 69-to-79-year-old Floridian with whom he can share conversation, travels and intimacy — but not marriage.

So far, Mynchenberg says, his effort is working. His romantic calendar is packed, with nine recent dates as evidence. "You can get a pretty good idea of what people look like [online], where they're from and what their pros and cons are," he says.

While e-dating has been around for nearly a decade — and many younger singles swear by its proven powers — an older singles set is just catching on. On Match.com, one of the most popular online services, the number of singles over 50 has tripled since 2000, to 934,000. SeniorFriendFinder.com's membership has likewise spiked from 95,000 in 2001 to over 313,000 today. As older Americans become increasingly comfortable with the Web and e-mail, many are expanding the range of their online activities to include cyber-romance.

That's why a dozen new sites catering to this burgeoning market have cropped up in the past few years. SilverSingles.com, SeniorsCircle.com and Yahoo's ThirdAge Personals are among those that have grown steadily by focusing on an older age group. Most sites cost $20 to $30 a month. Others are free to join but charge for every e-mail or chat session. Unfortunately for older daters on modest incomes, an AARP membership doesn't buy any dating discounts online.

"Ten years ago, a lot of us didn't even know how to get online," says Alice Solomon, 67, founder of GorgeousGrandma.com, a support site for aging single women, and author of Find the Love of Your Life After 50. "But these days, among my peers, online dating has become the hottest thing since underwire bras."

Mynchenberg spends two hours a day on sites like Match.com, AmericanSingles.com and SeniorFriendFinder .com. And though he has already exchanged notes with 40 women, not all the subsequent meetings have turned out well. "One woman was way too rich. I couldn't afford to keep up with her," he says. "She wanted to hop on an airplane and fly off to Paris." Another woman, whom Mynchenberg liked very much, suffered from congestive heart failure and had to move in with her brother 40 miles away.

But for others, online romance has bloomed into love. Living in remote Malakoff, Texas, Frances Gaspar, 61, started e-dating because few eligible men lived nearby. Soon she found herself juggling dozens of e-mails from friendly Texans as far as 100 miles away. One of them, Bob, 63, drove for two hours to meet Gaspar for ice cream after courting her with jokey e-mails. "He wrote, 'I'm a registered massage therapist, but I won't rub you the wrong way,'" recalls Gaspar with a laugh.

At their first meeting, Gaspar noticed Bob's bad haircut, which she says looked as if it had been done using a bowl. But she loved his sense of humor. A year after she signed up online and 10 months after their first e-chat, Frances and Bob got hitched. "I had been a very private person, so online dating was a big step for me," says Gaspar, who had been widowed after 39 years of marriage. "But now it's all joy. We both feel like we're 20 again."

Some e-daters have learned to be skeptical of what they read. It's tempting for many roving the Web to gussy up personal details, such as age. Some exaggerate slightly, while others go way over the line. Women defend the age fib, arguing that men sometimes unfairly filter out potential mates above arbitrary age limits. "Online profiles often stretch the truth," Mynchenberg says, having looked at over 1,000 in the past few months. "Many women seem to include pictures taken at least a few years earlier, and they leave out their real age. I'm amazed by how many are stuck at 69."

On the other hand, many women quickly grow leery of leches who lurk on these sites. "Some fellows are married, others [are] interested only in sex, and there's even the occasional 16-year-old just kidding around," says Solomon. "But there are many who are very nice, and those are the ones you end up spending time with."

Like personal-ad services in print, Web personals have a raunchy side too. On Lavalife.com, many men and women over 60 post ads in a section called Intimate Encounters. Using the screen name Cleopatra, for instance, a 70-year-old from Pennsylvania lists Tantric sex as her online objective. "Now is my time to 'make hay while the sun shines,'" her profile says. Even Mynchenberg says he recently joined AdultFriendFinder.com, which he calls a "sexy" singles site, because many of the older members on other sites seem to want more romance and less sex.

Some sites help members avoid the pitfalls of online dating by offering specialized screening services. True.com, for example, is a new $30-a-month dating service that checks public marital and criminal records to make sure that potential members are single nonfelons. And sites like rightstuffdating.com, SquareDating.com and GoodGenes.com invite only graduates of elite universities to join. (Although those sites check applicants' college records, there's no guarantee that the occasional Princeton imposter won't try to date up into the Ivies.) There are also ethnic and religious niche sites like JDate.com for Jewish singles and DharmaDate.com for Buddhists. For those seeking partners to ponder life's last, deepest questions, there's soulmatch.com.

With all these virtual hookup joints, online dating is connecting more than just singles looking for love. It's also bridging the generation gap between some grandparents and grandchildren. "My granddaughter left me a message one night complaining that I had so many more dates than she did," said a 73-year-old Floridian who goes by the name Classy

Lady on JDate.com. Dubbing herself "the hottest gal in Boca," she teased her granddaughter about her abundant suitors and her nights on the town.
Mostly, however, virtual dating is boosting the confidence of many who long for companionship but have grown disillusioned with the old-fashioned ways of dating. At the offices of Match.com, an e-mail arrived recently in the company's success-story In box from a man who said that at 70, he was taking off on a cross-country honeymoon with a new sweetheart. "I know some seniors are reluctant to date on the Web," he wrote. "But if a legally blind, bald, one-legged man can find love online, anyone can."

Mastering E-Romance

For those who find themselves single after decades of marriage, getting started with online dating can seem daunting. Here are some insider tips from veterans of the process:

SELECT SITES CAREFULLY. Before paying up, browse through at least five services and try their free searches, says Alice Solomon, GorgeousGrandma.com's founder. For comparisons, visit DateSeeker.net, DatingSitesReviews.com or eDateReview.com. To begin, first choose one service for a month, then branch out to three to maximize the range of potential matches. Still no good matches? Try starting over with other services.

POST A GREAT PHOTO. Managers of sites such as Match.com and JDate.com say those who post photos get an average of eight times as many contact messages. Services like LookBetterOnline.com can help you improve your online image.

WRITE A UNIQUE PROFILE. "Start with what distinguishes you," says Solomon. Cliches — whether about beaches, fireplaces or passion — won't get daters clicking. And try not to lie about your age, assets or attributes, experts warn. Once you meet in person, the truth will come out anyway. For help crafting a profile, check out ProfileDoctor.com or AARP magazine's online personal-ad maker.

MASTER E-DATING ETIQUETTE. Trish McDermott, Match.com's resident dating expert, says polite e-daters send a gentle no-thank-you note to those who contact them online but are unappealing. And after a date that lacks chemistry, a simple, clear e-mail is the mature way to let a suitor move on to other romantic opportunities. As for those you do like, Solomon suggests avoiding the temptation to build an online relationship without a face-to-face meeting. "You might realize within the first five minutes of a date that you've wasted 10 hours exchanging e-mails," she says.


Copyright © 2004 Time Inc. All rights reserved.

Tampa Tribune, August 10, 2004

Aug 10, 2004
Yes, Dating Can Pump Life Into Sagging Heart
DONNA KOEHN


If you're a woman over 50, widowed or divorced, the thought of dating again probably makes you want to hide your head under the covers. All the pretension, all the silliness, all those extra pounds.

Alice Solomon wants you to know you're not alone. And, believe it or not, it's safe to pull your head out. And even harder to believe? It might be fun.
`
`It's very, very hard at first,'' says Solomon, author of ``Find the Love of Your Life After 50!'' ``After a couple is married for 25, 30, 35 years, it is a tremendous shock to appear on the dating scene again.''

Solomon should know; she's been there. Also, her years of writing a syndicated column and hosting a radio show about over-50 lifestyles convinced her that women of all ages yearn for a special man in their lives. Over and over, however, they told her they had no idea how to make that happen.

``Dating has changed so much from when we were teenagers,'' says Solomon, who lives in Delray Beach. ``You're a different person; you've experienced so much. When we were girls, it was appropriate for a lady to wait for a gentleman to approach her. Nowadays, it is very different.''

The book is chock full of practical tips for meeting men, including a chapter on computer dating. (She recommends it, if you're careful.) It also is a primer on the art of flirtation and the perils of married men. The former Mrs. Massachusetts even includes tips on updating makeup and hairstyles to catch a man's eye.
`
`When you get `out there,' you're going to face rejection,'' she says. ``You're going to be approached by married men. I think that is one of the untold secrets. And I understand why women are vulnerable to that. If they've been alone for two or three years, they crave a man's caress.''

One of Solomon's key suggestions is that women stop to consider all the traits they believe their potential mate should possess - then substantially pare down the list.
``Think of your list as being less `My Mr. Perfect Wants' and more `My Mr. Perfect Needs.' Narrow it down. You've got to identify what your needs are, because, let's face it, we're not getting any younger. The longer your list, the longer you're going to go before you find him. If you do.

``If you look for the three to five most important traits, you will find a wonderful man. There are lots of them out there, if you'll just give them a chance.''

Start With These Steps

Solomon offers these tips for those dipping a toe in the dating waters:

* Try to make new friends. Form new friendships that better suit your single lifestyle. Clinging exclusively to the couples you knew before might keep you from finding potential mates.

* Ask for support. That can be a family member or a professional.

* Take small steps. Do something new every day. Buy new eyeglass frames, start a journal.

* Recognize the areas of life over which you have control. Find things you can make a decision about: whether to change your job or hair color, start a diet, take a trip. This will help you gain confidence.

Above all, realize that change takes time, but the journey is well worth it.

``Please do not give up hope of finding a special person,'' Solomon says.

Find her book (The Writers' Collective, 2004, $14.95) at area bookstores, online, or on Solomon's Web site, www.GorgeousGrandma.com.


 CHICAGO SUN-TIMES, Chicago Illinois

50-50 split

August 9, 2004
BY LISA FRYDMAN Staff Reporter

Sally Maybrook walks into a Northbrook Starbucks. She looks great. Stylish cut, sparkle in her hazel eyes, killer smile. "I made notes," Maybrook said, her voice bouncy. "There are so many things I want to share about my experience."
Maybrook, a concierge and volunteer for the Chicago Literacy Society, has been divorced more than a decade, deciding at age 50-- after 31 years of marriage, two grown boys, an entire lifetime of coupledom -- that her marriage was over. She wanted a new lease on life: passion, romance, freedom.

"I love life right now. I'm afraid to even say it -- it's taken awhile, but I like where I am, who I am," Maybrook says, adding with a wink, "And to answer your next question -- no, there isn't a man in my life. Look, I thought I would jump into romance, but then I realized the first person I had to fall in love with was me."
More women like Maybrook are calling it quits, according to the American Association of Retired Persons, an advocacy group for Americans 50 and up. An AARP survey shows that 66 percent of women polled asked for a divorce, compared with 41 percent of men. Women in this age group welcome "a new identity," particularly at the "empty nest" stage of their lives.

"It used to be once you reached 50, your life was almost over. Now women, especially in their 50s, look good, feel good, and menopause is not the threat it used to be," says Judith S. Wallerstein, Ph.D, renowned for The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce, a 25-year landmark study, and What About the Kids? Raising Your Children Before, During and After Divorce. "They say to themselves, 'Empty nesting is for the birds. What can I do now that the kids are grown?' "
"These women are starting careers, going back to school, taking courses, working out at the gym, while their husbands are thinking, 'Hey I'm 10 to 15 years away from retirement.' The couple is at a completely different mind-set. This is the point where a marriage can fall apart or be jump-started.

"If a marriage is in a rut, and the wife comes home excited by the new courses she's taking, the new people she's meeting, and her husband doesn't support her, or worse, becomes competitive, it can be very damaging," Wallerstein says. "He's on a plateau and she's on the rise. This can be a very difficult adjustment for a man whose wife is no longer giving his career priority.
"My advice to men is if you want the marriage to stay in good shape -- stay with her, hold her hand and appreciate her changes. Share in the excitement."

Alice Solomon, author of Find the Love of Your Life After 50!, says, "I tell women who are married that it's not so easy out there. It can be embarrassing, devastating and you face lots of rejection, and you may find yourself in competition with women who are more talented, intelligent, crafty and more motivated than you are. If you can make your marriage work, choose that route.
"Once you're out there, the first thing I tell women is to get rid of their 'Seeking Mr. Perfect' list. Weed the list down to the top three to five needs you must have as opposed to the 49 wants."

Maybrook agrees. "It's all a process. Someone considering a divorce should not jump ahead. It's essential to go through the stages involved, especially letting go of who you once were as a wife, as a couple," she says. "First comes the shock that you really took that step out of your marriage, then confusion sets in, as well as an innocence -- childlike fantasies of single life. Finally reality hits -- you ask, 'What can I offer the world at this stage of my life, and how can I go forward, or am I going to remain stagnant?' Never ever stand still. If you want to find someone interesting, get out there and make yourself interesting first."
What about dating and sex?

"The rules of the game don't change," says Alice Solomon, author of Find the Love of Your Life After 50! "Women who are newly single give off a renewed vitality vibe. A woman should not be intimate with a fellow until she knows him well -- dating consistently for at least two to three months. It's not a matter of 'he won't respect me.' But if you give it away too freely, you'll end up giving up too much of yourself too soon. If you're looking for 'sport sex' -- don't expect too much from the fellow when it comes to serious issues."

What about the kids?

While you're exploring singleton status, don't dump your problems on your children, who although grown, may be experiencing the pain and devastation of the divorce, too, the experts say.
Author Judith S. Wallerstein, Ph.D, says adult kids unfortunately become a captive audience for their parents.
"Don't make them take care of you, or ask their advice in terms of dating again," she advises. "It can be a terrible burden on a young person's new marriage. Your child will ask herself, 'If my parents couldn't keep it together, how can I?' "

What about friends?

Sally Maybrook, divorced for more than a decade, stresses that cultivating new friendships is key to making it "out there."
"Women who get divorced at an older age immediately want to find The One who will make her feel alive again. The hardest thing about getting divorced is accepting reality," Maybrook says. "Yes, you are older. The dating pool is a lot smaller. Making new female friends is just as important, or more so, than finding male companionship."
 
 Palm Beach Post - February 18, 2004

Romance Programs for Seniors Offered
at Delray Library
By Suzanna Mahler, Palm Beach Post Staff Writer
Wednesday, February 18, 2004

February is the month for love. But for some people it's hard to find, and there are legal precautions that need to be taken for the lucky ones who have found it.
With Valentine's Day as her inspiration, Delray Beach Public Library's Director of Communications Bonnie Stelzer, arranged for a senior romance program to come to the library.
"When we think of Valentine's Day, we usually think of young people in love," she said. "It was a nice idea to focus on older people in love and those who want to find it."
At 2 p.m. Feb. 25, attorney Tom Stanley will talk to seniors about legal issues that should be considered before they become involved in long-term relationships.
He will tell two stories. One will be about individuals who have been married 20, 30 or even 40 years, then retire and realize they don't want to spend their "golden years" with their original spouse. The focus of his second scenario is the lonely widow or widower.
"Those two situations thrust people into rushing into finding a new mate," he said. "They get married too quickly and don't think of the legal issues with their assets. They have to take into account their children (what they will inherit) and the financial situation of their new mate or spouse."
It is wise to get a prenuptial agreement if you get married. People don't realize all the legal issues that are involved in relationships, because in the 1940's, when most seniors were last in a dating situation, folks didn't have to worry about such problems, according to Stanley.
"The idea isn't to scare people," he said. "I just hope everyone will be more cautious when they walk out of the presentation."
For those who first want to find love, then worry about the legal ramifications later, Delray Beach author Alice Solomon will discuss her book, "Find the Love of Your Life After 50," at 2 p.m. Feb. 26.
"Nowadays, women are expected to be more apt to approach men," she said. "Often times, older single women become the forgotten group. I found that women over 50 needed some positive reinforcement. They need to hear that life is OK and they should have passion in their lives."
This will be the fourth time that Solomon will speak at the Delray Beach Public Library. She got involved in the topic in 1955 when she wrote a column, called "A Guide for Gorgeous Grandmas," in a Massachusetts newspaper.
"I got a lot of feedback from that particular column," she said. "After that, I focused most of my energy on singles. At the time I was single myself."
In her experience, Solomon found that "Prince Charming" doesn't exist. So she took her own advice and broadened her list of "must haves" in a man.
"Now I've got a dynamic guy," she said. "Single life is good, but if you want to find someone, you will."
Solomon's presentation will focus on issues such as: how dating has changed from the time when seniors were younger, how to look great to attract a date, how to be open-minded and be ready to try something new, the do's and don'ts of Internet dating, creative ideas for meeting men, how to be assertive and flirt, and more.
Both programs are free and open to the public.

Suzanna Mahler is a staff writer for Neighborhood Post. Reach her at 820-3453. Send faxes to (561) 265-4872.
suzanna_mahler@pbpost.com
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Copyright © 2004, The Palm Beach Post. All rights reserved.

Boca Raton News - January 17, 2004

Senior dating scene
How 65 and ups are meeting the partners of their dreams
 Published Saturday, January 17, 2004 by Ashley Harrell

Although it might surprise some that cupid is still aiming his arrows at senior citizens all over South Florida, others say they’ve known for years that the power of love is not reserved for the young.
In fact, there are thousands of 60, 70, and 80-somethings looking for love relationships to add greater meaning and comfort to their lives.
“Everyone loves being touched, held, and seen as attractive,” said Dr. Priscilla Marotta, a cognitive and behavioral psychologist and the Director of the Center of Psychological Effectiveness.
People often have stereotypic perceptions that seniors are no longer interested in intimacy, but they are living full lives in all aspects, including sensual aspects, according to Marotta.
Also a recent author of “Power and Wisdom – The New Path for Women,” Marrotta works with midlife transition, post menopause, and aging issues.
“Seniors want to grab life,” said Marotta. “They have a real passion for it, and some are even having the best sex of their lives.”
Although it isn’t always easy for women in South Florida to find a decent man over 65 who doesn’t have his hopes set on a 45-year-old, miracles do happen, according to Alice Solomon, a.k.a. “the Gorgeous Grandma.”
Solomon, the recent author of “Find the Love of Your Life After Fifty,” gives motivational speeches to local seniors looking to get back in the dating game, and recommends a variety of mediums for meeting new people, including social groups, cruises, and especially the Internet.
“The best place to meet a man at this stage is the internet,” said Solomon, who also recommends the cruise vessels that she speaks on.
After a bit of research, we found that these strategies have worked for plenty of seniors looking to hook up.
And with explosion of the billion-dollar drug, viagra, and its two new and improved clones, seniors are receiving all the relationship benefits they’ve always enjoyed.

Computer Cupid

After losing two husbands over the span of ten years, Tamarac resident Mitzi Rosenblum thought she was finished with love relationships. But nine years after her second husband passed away, Rosenblum turned to an unlikely source for a woman who wasn’t raised in the age of information—-the Internet.
“I was starting to get lonely,” said Rosenblum, “I figured I should at least give it a try.”
At the same time, Bernie Berger, 75, was also searching for a love relationship, but wasn’t having any luck.
“I had a black book full of women, but things weren’t clicking,” said Berger, who tried dances and singles groups, and finally posted his profile on Love AOL, to which there was an overwhelming response.
“I had trouble remembering the names of all the women I was going to see,” said Berger.
Meanwhile, Rosenblum had viewed the profiles of several men on Jewish dating websites and America Online, and emailed the ones she was interested in. The 71-year-old didn’t any have problems with the men she met.
“I dated about four different men for a month, and I found them all to be perfect gentlemen,” said Rosenblum. “And then I saw the add from Bernie.”
Although she was dating numerous other men at the time, Rosenblum had an inkling that Berger was the one for her, and the feeling was mutual.
“When I talked to her, right away I knew,” said Berger. “I threw all the other numbers away.”
Gradually, Berger and Rosenblum broke off their other relationships and became an exclusive couple.
“I thought he was extremely nice,” said Rosenblum, who brought her new boyfriend home to meet her 92-year-old mom on their very first date.
“My family likes him, his family likes me,” she said.
Rosenblum and Berger have been a couple for three years now, and will likely move in together in the near future.
“So far she hasn’t beaten me up,” said Berger, who takes that as a promising sign for their future.
The couple has been to Disney World, Las Vegas, and on several cruises, and Rosenblum says she is thrilled to have met her companion.
“He’s more in love with me than I think either of my husbands were,” she said. “At my age, it’s wonderful.”

Cruisin’ for Love

Some senior sweethearts swear by the sea.
For Bernice Lovedove*, a widow of ten years, finding a new romance in her seventies was not a priority.
“I would not say that I’m a dating person,” said Lovedove. “A couple years ago I decided to go on a cruise by myself to get away from everyone. I just wanted to do my own thing.”
On her 10-day cruise to London, Lovedove was seated at a table of singles, and became very impressed with one man at the table, who she described as “stunning and beautifully dressed—-a real gentleman.”
But after discovering that man was actually “quite a bore,” Lovedove focused her attention on another man at the table.
“He was badly dressed, with terrible taste, and an egomaniac. Completely the opposite of a man I would usually be interested in,” said Lovedove. “But we had a very interesting conversation, and we hit it off.”
Lovedove and her man spent lots of time together for the remainder of the voyage, building the foundation for a long distance relationship. Lovedove lives here in South Florida, and her boyfriend resides in Seattle. They each despise the climate of the other’s home state, and neither wants to move.
“We couldn’t be further apart,” said Lovedove. “But we speak a couple times a week, and go on trips together. It’s a very lovely relationship.”
Although Lovedove says she misses her partner very much, she’s glad that it won’t get boring.
“He’s the spark in my life. I think that pretty much sums it up.”
And according to Lovedove, that spark is red hot.
“If the man evokes a desire in the woman, there’s no age limit to sex, said Lovedove, who has more of a desire now than she did with her husband of 50 years.
“Marriage is a different sort of thing,” said Lovedove. “When you’re married and children come into play, it takes a lot out of you. Married couples don’t pay as much attention to each other. You take each other for granted and the sexual part becomes very routine.”
But according to doctors, falling in love at 18 or 80, produces the same hormones, and Lovedove agrees.
“I never thought that at this part of my life I would never have the feelings that I have,” she said. “It’s just wonderful and I hope we both stay healthy and that it continues.”

Couple connections

For those seniors who tend to get sea sick, or those who are less than web-savvy, there are a plethora of other options for meeting potential partners.
Social groups, dance parties, country club gatherings, and activity clubs are all available for singles in Boca Raton and Delray Beach.
Joyce Snyder-Magin, the director of a social dating group called Love Connection, says her clientele is made up of more than 50 percent seniors, and that she has matched couples well into their 80’s.
“There are quite a few single seniors in South Florida,” said Snyder-Magin. “There are some wonderful, active, bright, older people out there.”
Snyder-Magin, who has been running the 2,000-person program for more than four years, has enjoyed fixing up couples since she was a little girl. Although she’s has played cupid for countless couples, Snyder-Magin agreed that there are significantly fewer available men over 65 than there are senior women. And sometimes the women have slim pickin’s.
“They don’t want to be nurses or purses,” said Snyder-Magin.
Boca Raton resident Corinne Pearlman agreed, and said many of her friends have been “very disgusted” with their dating experiences.
“It’s a man’s world. Women are willing to do anything they can to get a man,” said Pearlman, who though women should join clubs and participate in activities rather than dressing up and going out to bars.
Pearlman met her husband of nine years after being introduced by friends, which most people agree is the easiest way.
That how Jeanne Kalish, 83 and Abe Ziskis, 85, made each other’s acquainance. The couple began frequenting the dance club at century village after their friends introduced them over two years ago.
“He’s one of the best dancers on the floor,” said Kalish. “We like to ramble and jitterbug, but we’re not very good at the line dancing. It’s tricky.”
Kalish and Ziskis also joined an intellectual group called at the Mae Volen Senior Center in Boca, where they discuss current events with other interested senior citizens.
The center also has a group for singles, and many different activity groups that provide stimulating and comfortable atmospheres for meeting new people. To find out more, visit www.maevolen.com. “The Gorgeous Grandma” has her own site at www.gorgeousgrandma.com.

* Names have been changed to protect confidentiality.
Copyright 2003 - Boca Raton News

The Lafayette Advertiser, Lafayette, Louisiana

The second time around
Judy Stanford June 10, 2003


Dating after the age of 50 has pitfalls, rewards

Dione Vice Bacon knew exactly what she was looking for in a man when she started dating again.

“I said, ‘I want a widower who was madly in love with his wife, who will take the risk to love again and marry again. Someone who will appreciate me, someone who is financially stable, who can make me laugh.”

Making a list is a good strategy for older women and men who find themselves, through divorce or the death of a spouse, suddenly dating again, say the experts.

“It’s OK to ask for what you want in a man,” said licensed clinical social worker Connie Konikoff. “Its not shallow to make a list of what you want.

“I advise people to make three columns. In the first is ‘What I must have;’ in the second is ‘What I won’t have;’ in the third is ‘What I want.’ ”

The first two are non-negotiable, Konikoff said.

Making her list worked for 55-year-old Vice Bacon, until recently a program specialist for the Louisiana Department of Health and Hospitals and a licensed professional counselor, who has been a widow for seven years. She traveled to Portland, Ore., in 2001 for a friend’s wedding. That’s where she met Don Bacon. They carried on a long-distance relationship and were married May 17. Several days ago, Vice Bacon moved to Tilamook, Ore. with her husband.

Dating after 50, in some ways, is no different from dating at a younger age. “It was exciting,” said Vice Bacon, who dated several men before meeting her husband. “It was complimentary — almost the same as when you’re in high school or college, again. I enjoyed going out with each man I went out with.”

Maturity and experience can be an advantage to those in the singles scene, Konikoff said. “People who have been married before know their partner can’t be some kind of mirror image of themselves.”

Being realistic about a potential partner is also an advantage of age. “I take people at face value, now, Konikoff said. “If someone says, ‘I don’t want to get married again,’ I take it at face value. When you’re younger, you think, ‘I can change them.’ You learn to recognize red flags.”

There is also a downside to dating after the age of 50..

“When people are younger, they don’t have the same baggage as older people,” Konikoff said. “They may have dated someone for two years and leave them. Its not the same as being married to someone for 20 years and have them leave you or have them die.”

There are also often children to consider. While younger singles may have small children, mature singles usually have adult children who may be critical of the people their parents date.

“Adult children are often worried about the estate, but underneath, they’re also worried about the safety of the parent. They don’t want to see the parent being used,” Konikoff said.

There is the issue of age, itself.

“The thought of dating again can be scary and confusing,” said Alice Solomon, a former syndicated advice columnist, from her Delray Beach, Fla., home. “Being rejected makes it even worse. Let’s face it; we have wrinkles. We’ve put on weight. Some of us are shy. It’s not easy to anticipate a new relationship and perhaps a breakup.”

Solomon is also the author of several self-help books for older women. The latest, “Finding the Love of Your Life After 50,” will be released in September.

“And then, there’s sex,” Solomon said.”For most of us, it’s tough, getting into bed with a stranger. Even if it’s a former sweetheart, someone you’ve known for 30 years, he’s still a stranger to your body.”

It’s an issue that can’t be avoided, Vice Bacon said. “In dating, you can’t date for just companionship and friendship. It leads to sex. You have to choose what you want.”

There’s also the issue of safe sex, Konikoff said. “You have to deal with HIV. The over-50 group is the fastest growing population. They don’t have the highest numbers, but it is the highest-increasing segment.”

The decision whether to become sexually active has become more complicated than it once was.

“I realized I was bringing home information from Acadiana CARES,” Vice Bacon said. “It was so totally different from when I first got married when I was 21. If I chose to be sexually active, I would have to deal with all the issues my children deal with.”

People should base all their dating decisions on their own needs, Konikoff said. And they shouldn’t settle for less than their heart’s desire.

“Women are famous for settling,” she said. “It should be more about being very clear and having a serious intention. Hold out for what the heart longs for.”

Tips for dating after 50:

* Try to make new friends. Don’t forget your past or old friends, but make new friends who suit your current single lifestyle.

* Ask for support when you’re feeling insecure or lonely. Call friends, family or clergy when you need encouragement.

* Take small steps to avoid being fearful. Each morning, think of new ways to move forward.

* Recognize areas of your life over which you have control. Find things you can make decisions about, such as starting a diet, taking a trip or changing your hair color. It enables you to gain confidence and gain control over other areas of life.

Putting your best foot forward

* If you’ve let your appearance slide, pay attention to your skin.

* Make sure your makeup is contemporary. Don’t do it the way you were doing it in college. Avoid heavy makeup, dark lipstick and black eyeliner.

* Dress in a contemporary manner.

* Update your hairstyle. Mature women usually look better in shorter styles.

* Maintain a regular exercise program.

* Don’t wear too much jewelry.

* Don’t use strong perfume.

Source: Alice Solomon, author of “Advice From Gorgeous Grandmas” and “Finding the Love of Your Life After 50.”
 
©The Lafayette Daily Advertiser
June 10, 2003

On the web at:
http://www.theadvertiser.com/accent/html/B0236F4B-E09A-4648-8EE7-1BCD2576DCF2.shtml

theadvertiser.com is published by South Louisiana Publishing © 2003 - A Gannett Company •

Boca Raton News, February 12, 2003

To thrive and not just survive’
Delray’s ‘Gorgeous Grandma’ rounds up eligible seniors for dating game
 

by Kelli Kennedy, Boca Raton News Staff Writer
Published Wednesday, February 12, 2003

Alice Solomon looks like she has been plucked straight from the set of an old Hollywood movie. She speaks with grand gestures, her words have an air of confidence and she has the captivating “presence” of any star.

But the former Mrs. Massachusetts said she hasn’t always felt so confident. After a painful divorce, Solomon said, she went through a time of terrible depression, “learning how to start life over as an older, single woman.”

Now, the “55 plus” Delray Beach woman is a trailblazer for her generation. Self-dubbed “The Gorgeous Grandma,” Solomon writes a syndicated column to teach other singles over 55 to become thriving women. She has also written a book entitled “Advice from a Gorgeous Grandma: For Single Women Over Fifty Who Want to Survive, Thrive, Live, Love, Date, Mate and Have a Ball!”

So, what is a Gorgeous Grandma? Solomon says “every woman over 50 who believes she has her whole life ahead of her, who wants to get the most out of life and who wants to thrive and not just survive.”

“I see my role as a motivator, coach, friend and confidante,” said Solomon, a grandmother of five. “I am focused on helping single, older women find their identity and helping them recognize that they have value.”

On Thursday, she’ll participate in a promotional event called “The Seniors’ Dating Game” at the Grand Bazaar Shops in West Palm Beach. At the discount mall, Solomon will address the crowd and also be available to give some personal advice.
“I am so excited about this event, because single women over 50 are so often ignored in this day and age. and here is an event catering to us,” said Solomon.
The event will provide opportunity for 55 and older singles to meet, mingle and interact with games and entertainment, said Solomon. Prizes will be given away to winning couples and singles including dinner at Big City Tavern, a five-hour casino cruise and pampering at a local spa.

Solomon said the event is the first of many events hosted by the Grand Bazaar, which will cater the senior singles crowd. Shop owners of the Grand Bazaar said they are hoping to create a marketplace atmosphere, where people will come to socialize, not just shop.

“We’re taking our cues from shows like “The Bachelor” and “Joe Millionaire,” but this time we’re giving seniors a chance to find love again,” said Grand Bazaar owner Michael Janoura.

Solomon said she was thrilled to come on board with the project. because she believes the event offers a wonderful forum for women to practice her advice.
“I’m here to encourage single women to put themselves out there, even though it’s hard, because no one is going to approach them anymore like they did when they were 30.”

After her divorce, Solomon said she struggled to find an identity for herself, apart from her husband. “I come from a generation of women who found their identity following in their husbands footsteps,” said Solomon.

At the age of 50, Solomon sought to create a new life for herself and was accepted to Wellesley College, where she graduated cum laude from the Massachusetts school. Armed with a degree and a new measure of confidence, Solomon said, she was surprised to find “that no one paid attention to women my age,” despite our intellect or experience.

But in classic Solomon style, she “picked myself up by the bootstraps,” and carved a meaningful niche for herself among the circles of “sexy grandmas.” Now, Solomon said she receives hundreds of letters and emails from women thanking her for her inspiration, motivation and most importantly, for identifying with them.

“We have a desire for companionship, regardless of age,” said Solomon, who also conducts “Date and Mate, Gorgeous Grandma Style” seminars. They explore topics such as where to meet men graciously, how to date with dignity, how to overcome feelings of rejection and whether sex is as important now as it was in the past.

“Even though we may be in our sixties, we still have 30 or 40 more years to live,” said the endlessly positive Solomon. “That’s a whole other life. So let’s get out there and live it.”


Palm Beach Post, February 6. 2003

No woman is too late for love, dating guru says
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